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Dungeons & Dragons

Transcript Of Dungeons & Dragons

Dungeons & Dragons
SPECULATIVE HANDBOOK OF 5E
“v0.02, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 4E, Vista Edition”
designed to be as close an experience as possible to Tom Hanks classic "Mazes and Monsters" – Vanir "Not intended for Actual Play"
FOR USE WITH 1ST, 2ND , 3RD, 3.5TH AND 4TH EDITION
Kim Jong-Il • Dave Matthews • Illustrations by Jack Chick
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CREDITS

Speculative Handbook 5e Rule
Sources
All the good people from #ihate5e on
twitter, in alphabetical order:
926Moms, Bobzilla, Canageek, DMingNicholas, DarthVayne, DaveTheGame, Destrin, Dragonshaos,
ErinPalette, GatorGames, Hungry, JBMannon, JaeGamer, JesterOC, JoeyD473, KJToo, Kalyr, KattDavs, MacGuffen, Milambus, NMcCoy, PatricioJones, Redkun, Robotkarateman, RyanMarinoff, Saliana, Sanastar, Saracenus,
Siliconwolf, SlatzG, SnowRaven, Thiefofhearts, Valgrind, WeNeedtheXP, WolfStar76, allgeektout,
apearlma, asmor, barsoomcore, bartoneus, brianrjames, cadorette, cartoonlad, casseytoi, cbpye, chgowiz, criticalhits, dalcher, dansich, direflail, ditransitive, dmyax, drcheard, dscleaver,
e2thej, eddiecurrent, edrondol, forager23, fxguy1969, gaborcsigas, geekmojo,
geeksdreamgirl, gefahrmaus, gregbilsland, greywulf, iHate5e, jatori, jesperalm, jimanda2, joshroby, jrients, just, kcboschert, kensanata, killed, kynn, madbrewlabs, majyc, mana_junkie,
mccoo1, merb101, mikemearls, mleger, mmaranda, mudbunny74, newbiedm, oddysey,
paizo, panthera_onca, phaezen, philsouza, pookie_uk, ravenx99, redartifice, reimbursement,
revlazaro, rosspayton, shingo42, spell?!?!, strangeasangels, suddenly, tangdynasty, thedicebag, topwebcomics, tracyvwilson, trollsmyth, ve4grm, wmlaros, zientek

Speculative Handbook 5e Author Daan van Yperen [email protected] http://blog.mostlyoriginal.net
Additional Design KattDavs - 'Power Gamer' monster

FOREWORD
“What is this book? Why are you dressed kinda satanic? What are you writing down? Go away! Shoo. Stop stalking me! Aaaaahhhhh police, help!”
-- Rossane Barr
By using this book you are obligated to burn all your previous editions of Dungeons and Dragons, any d20 books, any any competitors books (look for the burn permit and instructions how to build a burn barrel at the end of this book). This book is laced with a remote controlled plastic explosive, which we will detonate upon release of 6e- or when you bend a rule. You are granted one personal license to use this book. Letting anyone else read it might turn them to dust. Siliconwolf RPGA has been given full police powers to enter any home and make sure all characters conform to the rules as written. By reading this license you agree to hand over your firstborn child AND your soul. You are subject to a chromosome test before you are allowed to use this book. Some of the reagents you need for spells might be illegal to buy in Ohio. Book printed in smearing ink.
VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT BLOG.MOSTLYORIGINAL.NET
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CONTENTS
Credits....................2 Foreword.................2 Contents........................3 Introduction....................4 What?.........................4 How?..........................4 Origins?......................4 Is this a joke? Can I really play this?..........4 Starting a game.............5 Prerequisites...............5 You Need:...............5 Optional:.................5 How do you play?...........6 This Rulebook.............6 Goals..........................6 Roleplaying.................6 Character Creation.........7 Dice............................7 Ability Scores..............7 Character Gender.......7 Character Races.........8 Percentile Race:..........8 Character Classes......9 Class Generic Changes ...................................9 Deities......................10 Alignment.................10 Adventuring.................11

Skills.........................11 Bluff......................11 Diplomacy.............11 Animal Handling. . .11
Using Skills/Powers/Feats.. .11 Spells........................12
Fireball..................12 Raise Dead...........12 Equipment................12 Forced Party Pet.......12 Currency conversion chart.........................12 Magical Items...........12 New Equipment....12 New item slot........12 Forbidden Equipment............13 Combat........................14 Action Points.........14 Setting up Initiative .............................14 Turn.......................14 Attacking..............14 Ranged Attacking.....15 Defenses...............15 Grapple....................15 Darkness Rule..........15 Resting.....................15

DM: Introduction..........16 DM Requirements.....16 DM/Player disagreements.........16 Starting the Adventure .................................16 Gaining XP................16 Default World/Cosmology. . . . .16
DM: Campaign Design..17 Animals.................17
Random Dungeon Room Chart..............17 DM: Monsters...............18 Converting Dragons. 18 Converting Undead Monsters...................18 Converting Other monsters..................18 Naming Monsters.....18 Monster Hitpoints.....18 Monster Death..........18 New Monsters...........19 Sample Monster: Power Gamer......................19 Appendix A: Pre generated dice rolls..21 Appendix B: Edible Power Cards.............22

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INTRODUCTION
--Welcome to the ultra rare 5h edition handbook! Did you know only 1 in 10 booster decks contains this book?
WHAT?
With the use of this handbook you will be able to transform your 1st, 2nd , 3rd, 3.5th and 4th editions of Dungeons and Dragons into the grand experience that is 5e!
HOW?
By reverse engineering speculative hating on twitter we have obtained the rules of 5e, several years before actual release!
ORIGINS?
Read more about the phenomenon of speculative hating here: Preview of 5th edition Twitter unites speculative hating
IS THIS A JOKE? CAN I REALLY PLAY THIS?
Yes and Yes. This document molds the twitterstorm on #iHate5e into a playable 5th edition speculative handbook. I've tried to keep to non-conflicting rules, that are physically possible.
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STARTING A GAME
-- Coming soon for 5th Edition D&D: The 4th Edition Character Visualizer!
PREREQUISITES
YOU NEED:
● Your favorite Edition's Core Rulebooks. (1st, 2nd , 3rd, 3.5th and 4th edition) ● A D14, a D16 and a D22 die. You may approximate this with 1d4+1d10,
1d6+1d10, and 1d20 and a coin. 1 2 ● The Speculative Handbook of 5th edition ● Funny Hats ● Tray of Mountain Dew
OPTIONAL:
● Licensed Miniatures (now obtainable from BK® Kids Meals). ● Hologram projectors (required for 3DDDiVT).
1 Or use the incredibly handy pregenerated diceroll sheet found In Appendix A! 2 Be sure to read the dice End User Licence Agreement.
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HOW

DO

YOU

PLAY?
-- Too many words? Get the Core Rulebook Children's handbook edition. Printed on high quality cardboard it contains high quality pictures more suited to the masses.
THIS RULEBOOK
The rules in this rulebook supersede any rules you are using. For everything else you play the game as specified in your favorite edition core rulebooks.

Reserved for image of chromatic flumphs (like dragons, but
flumph). Submit your drawing to [email protected]

GOALS
Winning
The first player to reach max level in your edition, wins. If the dungeon master achieves 3 TPK (Total Party Kills), he wins.

Behind the scenes: An obvious oversight in the design of previous editions is the lack of an ending. Our bible, The Game Designer handbook clearly states games need an ending. How could Gygax ever make such a grand mistake!
Losing
When your character dies, you have to burn your current 5e rulebook, and buy a new one.
Hardcore Rule: When your character dies, you are no longer allowed to play 5e. Anywhere.

ROLEPLAYING
Roleplaying is mandatory in 5e. Encourage your players to LARP at the table. Funny hats are required. You are only allowed to roleplay up to 140 characters each turn.
Don't shame your parents! Ensure your players roleplay correctly, order your Courtney Solomon read aloud D&D roleplaying scripts now!
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CHARACTER CREATION

-- Confusing? Order your D&D Insider implants now, and get a free list of proctologists in your city!

Space reserved for art of angsty bishi boys
Submit your drawing to [email protected]

DICE
Whenever rolling a dice in your old edition, replace with one of the following dice rolling methods:
● Dice
● Replace your D4, D6, D8, D10 dice rolls with D14. Reroll if the result is invalid.
● Replace your D20 rolls with D22 rolls. Reroll if the result is invalid.
● Rock paper scissors with the DM.
● Win/Loose coin

ABILITY SCORES
All players start with 18's across the board. Charisma is now officially the dump stat, take all but 3 points out of charisma and assign it to your other ability scores. 'Wisdom' is now called 'Emo'.
Tip: Be sure to buy the excellent Complete Strength Handbook, Complete Constitution Handbook, Complete Dexterity Handbook, Complete Intelligence Handbook the Complete Wisdom Handbook and theComplete Constitution Handbook , for added abilities! ( Complete Charisma Handbook coming fall 2010)

CHARACTER GENDER
When selecting a male or female character, the other players can pick your characters measurements.

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CHARACTER RACES
First, look up your current (or new) character race in the first column. Second, rename it to the 5e race in the second column. Apply the Racial Traits to your character. If your race isn't on the list, pick one yourself.

Old Race Human Gnome Halfling
Elf Half-Elf Half-Orc
Dwarf
Eladrin Dragonborn Tieflings Warforged

5e Race Gnome. iGnome Select one: Quarterlings, Eighthlings, and Oneandahalfling s. Ninja Half-Ninja
Teddy Ruxpin
Nilbog
My little pony (Blue)

Racial Traits Have lairs now, like monsters. You are locked into AT&T for cell service. Quarterlings are 1/2th a halfings size, Eighthlings 1/4th, etc.
(Choose, Type A: Panda, or Type B: Anime) (Half-Ninja, you have all the features of a regular ninja but you are /really really/ loud. Once a day standard power: Gnome Vomiting. You can swallow any nearby gnome, and vomit it 16 squares. Forbidden class: Nike healed by receiving damage and are damaged by healing spells. Using Second Wind counts as suicide. Forbidden class: Harry Potter Heal twice as much when Healed or using Second Wind ability.

Cinnamon Roll

Extra ability: can morph into a steam powered cart at will.

PERCENTILE RACE:
Pick a second race and Roll 2D24. That is your percentile race value. (For example, if you play Quarterling and roll 15%, you are called a Quarterling (Nilbog 15%). You can use the power of your secondary race, but only 15% of it).

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CHARACTER CLASSES
First, look up your current (or new) class in the first column. Second, rename it to the 5e class in the second column. Add the class powers to your character. If your class isn't on the list, pick one yourself.

Old Class Warrior Wizard Druid Sorcerer Cleric Any Multi/dualcl assed char Monk
Bard
Paladin Barbarian
Ranger
Psionicist

5E Class Koopa Troopa Harry Potter Degree Lady of Pain $.89 Cleric Munchkin
Rules Lawyer Glitterboy
Nike Brooding Drow Ranger
Vampire

Class Powers
Like warrior, but d20+81 starting strength.
Like wizard, but your familiar changes to an animated vegetable of your choice (no more animals in 5e!)
Like druid, but get flaming vorpal gelatinous cube pet.
Like Sorcerer, but you can use 'flay' power once a day. Flay rips the skin from one chosen enemy (or partymember).
Like Cleric, but your castings are adjusted to your new deity.
Like Multiclass, but with Free Feat: Wield Compatriot. You can wield any of your partymembers as a shield, provided they are your size or smaller.
Like Monk, but you can mix and match rules from ALL previous editions to your liking. New At will ability: Inciting DM wrath.
Like Bard, but in a disco suit. Only available instrument is a Mellotron. All attacks are automatically of 'Yanni's Greatest Hits' damage type.
Like Paladin, but you wear squeeking sneekers with blinking led lights. The led light counts as sunlight.
Like Barbarian, you automatically gain 2 levels in any class of your choice, and two +2 magical swords of your choosing.
Like Ranger, but you can choose a black panther, an emu, or a giant miniature Terrasque as your animal companion. Your animal companion is stored in a magical bag that doubles as its home. You have to scoop out excrement yourself.
Like Psio, but gets a -2 bushy eyebrow penalty. Free feat: sparkle in daylight: All rolls gain a +3 bonus.

CLASS GENERIC CHANGES
All classes are now considered 'striker'; If any striker at your table has a higher damage at-will die-roll than you, use their die-roll for your skill instead.

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DEITIES
EO has been vanquished by Chuck Norris, and he has activated a new pantheon. If you have a deity, replace with one of the following:
● Chuck Norris ● Drizzt ● Numa Numa Kid ● Hasbro
ALIGNMENT
● New Alignment: 'Naughty' ● New Alignment: 'Nice' ● New Alignment: 'Stupid' ● 'Evil' alignment is replaced with 'Dick Cheney'.
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